Tuesday, 20 January 2009

The new dictionary of international banking

Now that the world's banking systems are going down the toilet, bankers have developed a whole new vocabulary for repackaging failure. Here are a few euphemisms that I have heard recently, coupled with my own translations.

Legacy risk = Worthless assets accumulated by the previous CEO

Fee pools = Investment bank scams designed to fleece unwary high-wealth clients

Selective disposals = A fire sale in order to raise some quick cash to meet regulatory capital requirements

Retail book re-pricing = Writing down worthless mortgages that currently pollute the bank's balance sheet.

Asset run downs = see selective disposals

Liquidity portfolio re-based to lower risk liquidity = Receiving emergency liquidity support from the central bank

Focused investment only in areas that add most value = Dumping mortgage assets and buying US treasuries.

Dramatic changes in the strategic landscape = a recession

“fast-to-market” deals = lend now, worry about the financial regulator later

Developing a less capital-intensive business = downsizing to a smaller office, with fewer staff and fewer laptops

Run-off CDO portfolio losses = Yes, we did a few deals with Lehmans just before Paulson pulled the plug.

4 comments:

Josh said...

I like it, can you do more?

Anonymous said...

same crap, different words.

electro-kevin said...

Another 'euphamism'

Trailer parks = Al Qaeda

http://www.shropshirestar.com/2008/10/28/911-the-root-of-the-financial-crisis/

The West has been brought to its knees by Bin Laden. NOT by poor black Americans on trailer parks.

dearieme said...

RBS = Barings
HBOS = Barings
etc